Six may be my favorite number, but …

… the new iPhone may not be living up to its number.

Let’s talk.

First of all, I find it somewhat annoying and disturbing that a (very) quick Internet search of “iPhone 6 reviews” brought up exactly ZERO reviews of this new gadget by women. I suppose only men are techie geeks, foaming at the mouth to get their hands on the newest shiny toy from Apple. They’re the ones dominating most talks. And from what I gather, as always is the case it seems, size does matter to these guys. And they “love” how it “feels in the hand.”

Yep. Seriously.

But let me be frank with you. Because I can. Because being Frank would be weird.

SO here’s the deal … the phone is NOT what it is cracked up to be in most reviews I’m reading.

I walked into an AT&T store on my birthday, the day the phone came out, and walked out about 15 minutes later with a new 64 gb silver (white) iPhone 6. No sleeping on sidewalks. No camping out inside the mall. No shoulder-to-shoulder madness at the Apple store. I walked in and out like a normal customer. I had great help from an AT&T associate. All was right with the world. I bought a new phone for my birthday (thanks, Mom!) and I thought I was in love. We set up passwords (which I had to look up … again … as I do every time I upgrade a phone) and synced iTunes. Double-checked to make sure all my contacts survived the move (YOU ALL DID! Yay!) and sighed with relief when all my messages were exactly where they should be.

Then, a weekend of actually USING the phone.

And that’s where I am now.

Here’s what I’m finding:

* The first time actually using the phone (on a busy highway, admittedly) was not so wonderful. I could barely hear the person on the other end, and there was a weird “in and out” sound to the conversation. Almost like one of us was in a tunnel. And we weren’t even near Pittsburgh, I swear!

* After finally setting up a new voicemail password for a SECOND time (first time didn’t work for whatever reason, even though I followed the directions exactly the same both times??), I quickly realized that my cheekbones brush against the phone in the exact spot where you “pause” your voicemail from playing. So, I had my voicemail stop playing three times before I realized what was happening. Supposedly there used to be some sort of sensor that stopped this from happening. That is not the case this time. Or, if it’s supposed to be, it’s not working on my new phone. (NOTE: It seems that this sensor does exist when talking on a regular phone call. Just doesn’t work with voicemail.)

* My phone is eating my hair. Like, seriously. I have to disagree with one reviewer, who wrote:

“The wraparound aluminum is almost velvety, and the glass front melds seamlessly into it.”

I kid you not. All I have to do is hold the phone to my head for a second or two, and my hair is stuck in the “seamless” crack that runs around the phone. I am not sure what to do about this other than to quickly buy a case for the phone. And I hate phone cases. If a phone is touted as being so damn superior, I shouldn’t have to worry about this. And I certainly shouldn’t have my hair plucked out every time I hold it to my head. I’m already losing my hair, people. I do not need any help.

* The earbud jack is on the bottom of the phone now. This is just plain weird to me. Several male reviewers are posting that it doesn’t work for “putting the phone in your breast pocket,” which clearly isn’t a reason most women would hate this change. Mostly it’s just dumb. And I hate dumb stuff.

* The little button thingee that used to be on the top of the phone is now directly across the phone from the volume buttons, so I keep hitting the volume when I hit the on/off/silence button thingee. This again is dumb. And as you can see, I don’t have technical names for this shit. It’s still dumb.

* And from what I can tell at this point, the damn phone is slippery. Like REALLY slippery. I won’t steal my friend Kristi’s saying for it, but she so eloquently says that Apple should start selling some sort of lube, because everything they sell is so fucking slippery. Maybe I just stole what she said accidentally. Sorry, Kristi. It’s still your joke. You tell it better than I do. Lube, lube, lube.

Now, with all that said, I will say there are actually some nice things about the phone. First of all, if I play music through the phone, it sounds amazing. The speakers on it are really good. At least for me … the non-techie chick who just wants to listen to some Pearl Jam once in a while without earbuds. Because seriously? WHO likes shit stuck in their ears? I fucking hate earbuds.

The phone (so far) actually works. My last iPhone got splashed with water just a tiny bit and never worked well again. So far, this one is dry. I hope to keep it that way.

And last, but certainly most important, the camera kicks major ass. I love it, love it, love it. And let’s be honest. I don’t use this damn phone for much more than the camera and the Hipstamatic app.

Oh, but yes … there’s the slo-mo feature on the video now. THAT is some fun stuff right there.

Did you get the new iPhone? What are your favorite things? What do you think sucks? Let me know!

Oh, and here’s Middle Man, shot with the new phone. Isn’t he so damn adorable??

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