i should’ve written it all down.
how was i supposed to know it would take this long? we got lost. we went down different paths. i should’ve paid better attention. i didn’t. i’m sorry. i’m here, though. i was always here. i didn’t go anywhere. i just didn’t know what to say, how to say it, when would be the right time.
the sun pours through the trees. it’s too bright to look up. a bird just swooped by. i’m hanging my head over the edge as the bridge, feeling oh-so-unsteady, rocks below me. the water churns into a white frothy foam below me as it smashes the rocks.
here we are. we are ok. we are crossing the bridge and a new beginning awaits on the other side. i know that now. in my heart, i guess i always did.
life isn’t always so obvious. sometimes we come to a bridge and we cross it, thinking nothing. other times, we step onto the bridge, a real bridge, and it hits us. like smack in the forehead. how was i so blind? this is real. it’s happening. you and me. and this life we’re living. it’s real and it’s emotional and it’s hurtful and shitty sometimes. but here we are. and we are going to be ok. even though right now it feels like we aren’t and never will be.
i kissed the kids goodbye more than a week ago and i can’t wait to kiss them hello. sometimes we take that for granted. we shouldn’t. we all know that. now we know it even more. dirty little shits, they are. and all we want is for them to come home safely. to smile and ask for money or ice cream or lasagne. that’s all we want. ask me for some lasagne and that’s just fine. brings a tear to my eye even now.
it’s as simple as that.
nobody knows what i’m talking about, and i don’t really care. these are my stories. my memories. my pains and struggles to deal with. my bridge to cross. my apologies to share and love to spread. that’s all. even though no hug will make it better, i can try.
i’m waiting at the other end of the bridge. i’ve made it. i’m just waiting for you.