still

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i’ve come to like the quiet.

it hasn’t always been this way. the push and pull of days and the anticipation of things to come used to drive me forward more than anything. not now. not today. not even yesterday, i don’t think.

something is different. there’s a calm. a stillness like never before, possibly. of course there is music playing. there’s always music playing, even when there’s not. but it’s dark. it’s cold. it’s empty.

and it’s not just the house.

there’s the sadness of an empty boys’ room. a blanket of snow over the cars. toothbrushes that haven’t been used in days. shoes gathering at the door, not to be worn.

it’s all around.

it’s my arms. it’s the refrigerator.

it’s the bicycles sitting together, gathering dust.

it’s ok. it’s a moment of stillness. a moment to breathe.

a moment to think of all that’s around me.

and all that is not.

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