i’m going places

so the idea is this. soon-to-be divorced mom of three young boys finds herself wanting to live life to the fullest and to be, ohmygod, happy. so she comes up with this plan and thinks, hell, maybe others would want to follow along. why not a blog or a travel show (i didn’t say reality show. don’t go there) based on her journey as she figures it all out. seems so self-absorbed, right? ha. IT IS. it’s all about me. and it would be called “watch me as i go.” and you’d be hooked cause you want to do all the same things but you’re scared to admit it. so bah. here’s a little about how it goes and why i’m where i am and how the love in my heart makes me want to scream to the world … and why i refuse to take any bullshit. life’s too short. and i got places to see and things to do and dreams to chase and kids to raise. i got a life to live. to the fullest. let’s do this.

So it’s at that moment you throw your head back, your most honest, real, intimate laugh pouring from your entire body, that you realize …

… this is it.

I’m going to be OK.

How about this note to self:

I made the leap of faith and survived. I have healthy kids who are loud and energetic and annoying in every way and that’s good. I love music. I love good food. I make shit happen for me and others. I can hold onto relationships with people even when it seems impossible or insane. I can be funny or serious. I can bake a mean whoopie pie. I know how to have fun. For real. I take pictures of lovely things that I want to remember and share. I sniff books and magazines because I absolutely adore the smell of ink on paper. I’m going to travel and see new things. I am no spring chicken but I faced my fears and jumped off a 20-something-foot cliff into a canyon of ice-cold glacier water … and I didn’t die.

Yeah.

I am kinda kick ass.

And you can just watch me as I go.

So this is the deal. This is where we are. This is what we’ve become.

This is me.

This is me and you.

You are there. I am here.

We are still.

And you know, that’s OK.

Society makes us feel bad about ourselves with shitty advertising that makes us feel too fat, too ugly, too poor. We feel like we should live there, not here. Eat this, not that. And then take this pill to make it all better. We overthink things and then don’t think enough about things. We’re all over the damn place but we know where we want to be… but  barely ever know how to get there.

So how do we get there? How do we chase down the things we need to be happiest? How do we grab hold of them when they are right there in front of us, staring us down?

Sometimes we do. Sometimes we don’t.

And then.

Our peers make us feel like we shouldn’t brag too much when we do succeed or become happy about something that floated into our lives unexpectedly. But wait. We also shouldn’t let that damn little black raincloud follow us around if things are not going well. And shit. If the storm does hit? Well, take cover and keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a whiner.

So what is it today?

Happy? Sad?

Smile? Frown?

How about this. Screw all of it. I’ve got a new mantra. A new happy place. I’m doing my best to toss all that worrying about what y’all think and want me to do and be and I’m going with it. I’m being me. And did I mention …

… I am kinda kick ass.

And you can just deal with it.

Of course, this is totally tongue-in-cheek. But it’s high freakin’ time we all felt kinda kick ass. Don’t you think?

So if you can take all this and not feel threatened, by all means, come along for the ride. If not, step aside, sweet thing. I’m on my way out.

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