Conversations

So there are all these conversations whirling around and some of them make sense and others do not and then I’m left scratching my head and saying “What the fuck?” to myself, even though I know my mom might read this (though I doubt it) and then she’ll yell at me for swearing. Again.

But really.

WTF?

So yeah. People come in and out of our lives and BY GOLLY, sometimes you find one you actually LIKE. I mean like, REALLY like and then you kinda want to hold on and whisper things in their ear and laugh and make amazing mind-blowing memories and lick their face when they aren’t looking. Or hell. Even when they are. And then you realize, hey, they aren’t REALLY there at all. Maybe weren’t ever there to begin with. Then you’re all sad and want to go have conversations again that blow your mind but you don’t know who to turn to to mind blow.

Yeah. Deal with it. I said mind blow.

And then you breathe, or you attempt to, and someone you love dearly tells you it’s all gonna be OK, and that’s yet another conversation you want to hold on to and cherish and tuck away to pull out when you need it. Like today, when your hair is falling out and you want to scream and yes, she’s there, but christ. Really? Talk to me, dammit. We have conversations! Good ones. Don’t walk away from me mid-sentence. Seriously.

Don’t do it … not again.

And then the song you love comes on again and the girl whispers

don’t look
at me
that way

and you know EXACTLY what she’s talking about cause you’ve said it to him and he’s said it to you and dammit. Conversation. Just talk to me. And while you’re talking, do me a favor and take her advice and don’t look at me that way cause I see it in your eyes and other people do too and I swear to god I’m going to burst into a zillion pieces right here and if you don’t have a mop and a big-ass bucket you don’t want to do that. Don’t. Look. At. Me.

Exhale.

So then these conversations come in (again) and blow the mind and leave us wanting more. But how do we get more? Won’t someone tell us all how to get more?

Like the friend who wrote this to me the other day and warmed my heart and made me smile … and, god forbid, think.

“take a breath. a short break from all. just a beat, a second, the time needed to blink. everything around you halts. no one is looking. no expectations. no pressure. no neediness, no petty skirmishes. stay for a while.”

I’d love to stay. Believe me. Feels like a great place. I’ll pull up a bench. I’m in for the long haul. I want more. Someone should give me more. I likey. I want more.

The conversations must continue, my friends. Send me your words. Your wisdom. Tell me your thoughts and what makes you smile. Cry. Silence for some is golden. For others, it’s painful and dark.

Talk to me.

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