the sun shall rise

Today’s header photo comes to you from San Diego, California. From a spot where I watched the sunrise each morning while breathing in the fresh ocean air. It is a special spot with a lovely view of the boats and the city and within earshot of the chatting fishermen and the seals stealing the bait from their lines.

I feel whole and alive near water. Especially the lapping waves of the ocean. Especially in my two happy spots … Maine and San Diego.

I’m not in my happy place right now.

This has been a tough year. It’s been an even tougher few months. And it’s been lung-sucking shit for a few weeks.

This week … this week can suck it.

I have made some huge mistakes. Mistakes some people think I will never admit to, own up to. I know I have. I am admitting that to all of you. Nobody is perfect. And I am far, far, far from it. The hurt I have endured and also tossed onto others will never be OK. I’ll never be able to get over that. I will live with it forever.

I have loved and been loved and hurt and been hurt.

It’s the story that has been written up to this point. It’s not the story we need to end on.

The sunrise in this photo is beautiful. It’s worth remembering and is forever burned into my brain. It reminds me in the darkest times that the sun still rises. I still breathe and laugh and love and cry and double over in pain. I still live and love.

I’m doing OK. I will be scared and sad and will question everything for a long, long time. I know that.

I have lost a lot. I have put pain on top of pain.

And it’s over now.

I am picking up whatever pieces are left scattered on the ground.

And while I do, I am reminded of the sunrise.

And it makes me smile, if only slightly.


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