quietness

Sometimes it’s so difficult.

Sometimes I want to pull my hair out. Run away until I can’t hear any of the complaining, moaning, begging, fighting, jabbing, painful, hurtful, negative crap.

It comes from all directions, really. From everyone.

If you’re reading this, it’s probably not you. Or, maybe it is.

Mostly it pains me to feel so angry, empty.

Sometimes a good, ugly cry makes it better. Most the time it just gives me a headache.

Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, really. Things come and go. Right now, they’re coming. And like I said, coming from all directions.

Sometimes (always) it’s hard being the only girl in the house. Sometimes it’s hard not knowing where I fit in, who I fit in with, where I should be.

Here, there, anywhere but here and there.

It’s all so confusing.

It’s times like these I want to hide. Melt into the darkest corner. Crawl into a box. Disappear under the bed.

But really I’d rather go dance around in an empty field somewhere near a mountain or ocean. Alone. NO YELLING. NO ARGUING. NO BACK TALK. NO PAINFUL YELLING THAT LEAVES MY HEART CRUSHED.

That’s what I want. An open field near an ocean or mountain. Or both. I want … quietness. I want to be still. I want to hear my heartbeat. Remember what it feels like to be … me.

Sometimes that’s all we need. An escape.

In my mind, I am there.

 

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