Mommy’s Week Alone. Day 1.

I got up with the kids this morning to get them ready for their spring break trip to North Carolina. Hubby slept in a little to rest up for the drive.

I’ve been a nervous wreck the past few days, thinking about him driving almost 10 hours alone with three kids in the car. Agh. Makes my stomach hurt thinking about it. I hate long drives, and I know how tiring it can be–especially when everyone falls asleep and you’re left alone, driving, trying to stay awake yourself. Argh. Not a good time.

I have been a bit jealous and sad since the decision was made for them to all head out together on a boys’ trip. I feel left out. Like the girl who wasn’t invited to the boys-only clubhouse or something. I thought I’d be jumping up and down for a week of QUIET. A week of not wiping pee off the toilet. A week of not screaming at the top of my lungs to be heard over three (sometimes four) screaming boys.

I’m surprised at myself. I cried when they left. I bawled like a baby.

Then, the worst. I saw Eli bawling his head off in the back seat. He lifted his hand and signed “I love you,” then quickly looked away as the tears fell.

OK. THIS IS NOT HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.  I wanted to be all tough and lady-about-town while they were gone. I wanted to put my fat butt into my skinny jeans and go out with the girls. It’s wayyyy overdue. Holy hell. I can’t tell you how long it’s been.

But all I want to do is crawl into their beds and sniff their pillows.

So, I went into their room to do just that.

Then I teared up again.

They took the pillows. And I’m too big to crawl into the crib.

Or am I?

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