What’s in your speaker?

My husband has all these crazy speakers in the living room that he knows I absolutely despise. I honestly think there are about seven or 700–I’m not sure. They were supposed to be wired as surround sound speakers, but we never hooked them up that way–so they sit in weird spots around our television. The largest of the speakers is a large square thing with a hole in the front where I guess sound comes out. I have no idea if the thing even works. In fact, I’d venture a guess that it doesn’t–now that I figured out what our youngest son has been up to.

The other day Little Man was sitting next to said speaker with a Lincoln Log in his hand. Faster than you can say Cerwin-Vega! (brand of aforementioned expensive speakers), Little Man’s Lincoln Log is lost in Cerwin-Vegaland.


So here’s me, running and tripping over Legos (who the heck left those on the floor again?), flying like a bat-out-of-you-know-where to catch falling Lincoln Log–but alas, I’m too late.

I can’t fit my huge hand into tiny speaker hole like Little Man can … so I scoop up the huge box (who knew it weighed about 100 pounds? Geez…) and try to tilt it to the side to see if it will fall out.

Of course not.

So … when daddy woke up that morning, we had to break the news that not only did Lincoln Log fall into the speaker, but it sounds like there might be a small town forming in there–a mini (dusty) town of fantastic, high-end log homes with fancy tin roofs and small wagons with shiny wheels.


Hubby is NOT happy–mumbling swear words not-so-under-his-breath–he takes a screwdriver to the back of the speaker. I have to keep all the kids out of the room during this–not only so they don’t learn new words–but also because hubby doesn’t want any of them to:

a) think that this is some sort of game where they drop things in and daddy rescues them
b) get the idea of taking a screwdriver to the speakers to open them up themselves

So … he takes the back off the speaker, and guess what he finds?

Yup. The Lincoln Log. But that’s not all. No, no, no. That’s just the beginning. Here’s the list of what was pulled out of our Cerwin-Vega! (gotta use the exclamation point!) floor speaker … or whatever it’s called:

* Said Lincoln Log
* A letter “C” from a shape-sorting toy
* The bottom (body) of the third-largest piece of a Russian stacking dolls
* The top (head) of the second-largest piece of the same set of Russian stacking doll
* A green, two-inch long plastic alligator whistle (piece of crap Burger King kids’ meal toy)
* The tip of a plasic toy screwdriver
* A DIRTY pair of size 6 SpongeBob SquarePants underwear.

We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

So, either Little Man is shoving these things in there when we aren’t looking, or the oldest two are using the speaker as an easy hideout for stuff that they’ve been asked to clean up from the living room floor.

Seriously, people. We can’t make this stuff up.



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